...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
