If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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