pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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