Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
