Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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