i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
