I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
