I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
