I showed him my bush... on skype.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
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