UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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