just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
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