Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
