Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
You can't just leave with hair like that
40s are totally the cure
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
