So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
