At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Randomize
