Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize