I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Randomize
