You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize