he wants to bone in the snuggie
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
