Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
