So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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