i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize
