somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
