Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Randomize
