wakey wakey hands off snakey
I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
