I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
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