So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
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