STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
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