At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Randomize
