A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
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