mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
