is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Randomize
