He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
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