Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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