I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Randomize
