What a fucking waste of an outfit
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
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