yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I supernannyed him into submission
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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