you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
