Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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