i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
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