I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
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