I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
