You smell like a Billy Joel song
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
