That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I just blew my weed a kiss
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Randomize
