This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
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