So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
