saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
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