who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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