i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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