I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize
