I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Randomize
