I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Dick very happy bro
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
