you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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