I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Randomize
