I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
