FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
You smell like stripper and shame
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Randomize
