accomplished twins. life is a go
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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