Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
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