would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
