i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Randomize
