His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
