Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
