watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize
