Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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