I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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