I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Betty ford says i'm here all night
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
