some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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