i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
