ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Randomize
