You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
