Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Randomize
