OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
