Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
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