I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
