Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Quick, to the slutcave!
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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